I mostly just want to curl u in a ball and slee forever. I cannot handle life
“You know, I want to just advise people watching at home playing that now popular drinking game of ‘you take a shot whenever Republicans say something that’s not true.’ Please assign a designated driver. This is going to be a long afternoon.” — Democratic Senator Anthony Wiener
THINGS TO DO TO BE MORE CLASSY: A MANIFESTO -mistunderstand things people say to you and in so doing make them feel stupid. Make it clear in a very understated way that your failure to comprehend is not your own mental incompetence, but must be the product of poor-breeding on the part of your conversant. -one’s dandyism should not be overt, but should be carried through with insouciance. -look out at the world with an air of affected awe, as if you are trying your best to enjoy a hackneyed sitcom which you know the rest of the world finds dreadfully entertaining, though you do not. It would be rude to show boredom. -use the English, not the Canadian, spelling for words like flavour and labour (be very—VERY—careful when and where you use the latter term), yet do not pronounce the extra letter in everyday conversation. -find elegance in the quotidian and mundane, and yawn lazily at the opulent. -though you consider luxury to be kitsch, this only comes from a prolonged study of it, borne by a deep-rooted reverence for it. One only learns to paint abstract paintings through a rigorous academy training. (Referencing early 20th century art-historical trends tends to whiff of the pedant, and should be relegated to the blogosphere) -NEVER use such terms as: “blogosphere,” “interweb,” “ichat/isight/vidchat”, “HTMIA”, or “trolling.” -be opinionated but don’t share your opinions with just anyone, and let even this opinion hang in the impenetrable air between you and whoever you choose to converse with. -compliment people on things that they have no control over, like their bone-structure or the way the ephemeral light of late afternoon hits their hair in fleeting glimpses of exquisite warmth. Never, on the other hand, appear to notice anything that seems to have taken effort to do. -know dearly what is appropriate and inappropriate; be tactfully inappropriate at the appropriate time, and inversely so only when necessary. -know what kind of cheese gives you nightmares. This almost goes without saying, but this should be tested, fine-tuned, honed, and worked out far in advance than any social cheese-dish situation. If a certain fromage is offered and your demure evasion is ignored, then, and only then, do you—in grave and hushed tones—mention the nightmare. Do not go into detail. -write telephone numbers on expensive boutique shopping bags, grocery lists on VIP party invitations to which you would never go. -to think you’re classy is quite classless, but is in fact the only way. One is by doing, not by saying. Never say this. -working out is only for those poor slobs who were not gifted with good genes. -when you have no idea what you’re talking about, use the phrase “je ne sais quoi” and refuse to elaborate. “truc de mystere” also suffices. Under most circumstances, using French is to be seen as gauche. -tell everyone you have no television, and ask what’s going on in the world, as if you’re too important to keep up. When informed, chuckle at grave news, and act inconsolable at celebrity gossip. -don’t color coordinate down to your socks in underear, especially not in any colors that Ralph Lipschitz produces. In the words of Robert Herrick, “a sweet disorder in the dress kindles in the clothes a wantonness.” -when people reveal their most personal feelings to you, nod in sympathy but look at them as if they’re freaks. -no matter what kind of dire situation you’re in, financial or otherwise, act as if it were exactly what you planned and the plan is going just fine -order obscure yet classy mixed drinks, at the very worst a Bellini from Harry’s Bar, and tell others you find beer pleiban and tasteless in every sense of the word. Mentioning Harry’s Bar, Elaine’s, or the Carlyle Hotel (the only places you can be found drinking) is also quite classless, as is talking about drinking at all. Kindly disregard this entry, sir. -never eat hot sauce, and pretend it’s just a cheap thrill on the level of sniffing glue. Know what kind of glue gives you nightmares. -never walk as if you have some place to be, but flan gingerly from vista to vista. If possible, get a pet turtle, attach it to a leash, and match your pace to it. The bejeweled turtle from Brideshead Revisited is a nice idea, but ultimately garish and impractical. -carry an NRF edition of your favorite book wherever you go, yet appear to be engrossed in it only when it is obvious that someone would like to speak to you, like the teller at the bank, or the cab-driver demanding his fare. -when people tell you great ideas or personal revelations, be unimpressed of course, as if you’d thought about that a long time ago. Secretly make note of these great ideas and personal revelations, nonetheless. -wear full pajamas to bed, a bathrobe out of bed, Brooks Brothers slippers to and from the study, and a fez in the parlour. -find a job that makes you happy, and even though you may be struggling, pretend you don’t even need a job for the money, and never tell people that you work. -when in the presence of a beautiful woman, look away. If you must look at her, try to focus on the most un-appealing thing on her person—a hair out of place, some food in her teeth, mascara slightly awry—and act as if she is forever pulling you away from whatever rumination you were in the middle of contemplating. A slight frown betrays much annoyance as you nod, dutifully focusing on her imperfection. -look people deep in the eye and thank them deeply yet matter-of-factly.
fuck everything, i thought this one was different. I seriously just want someone to give me a big hug and tell me things will be okay. I don’t even know what to do
so i don’t feel like a brain dead dirt bag anymore. Sweet, time to hit the books. I just need to figure out how to stay motivated this time.
[video]
I feel the most exposed in the quite moments. Holding eye contact with someone, and feeling them probe the windows into my soul with theirs makes me feel far more self conscious then the feeling of eyes roving my naked body, and that vulnerability is wonderful and terrifying. I need to remember that the most intimate moments are those that happen in between words.